GTA V DLC: Hamboy
by BurgerLover
Summary: Jimmy meets his maker and the fate is decided
1. Chapter 1

Jimmy smashed his controller on the ground. "Daaaaughuguaaad!" He let out his irritating jimiasaurous scream. "What is it Jim?" Michael ran up stairs. Jimmy turned 45 degrees while framerate dropped. He barfed up one penis, two penis, three penis, followed by four bags of milk duds! "JIM! I told you not to eat those damn milk duds!" Michael picked up a fallen penis and smacked it upside Jimmy's head. "OWW. Dad... I know.., but they are soooo good..." Michael gave Jimmy the shameful look of 'fuck you' and gestured at the puked up penises. "Eat your dinner, Jim!" Michael stood firm. Jimmy bent down like the vacuum fattie juice he was and sucked up the penises."Good boy!" Michael patted his knees and tossed a penny into the air. It landed into Jimmy's mouth which caused him to choke and gag. Luckily for Jimmy, he coughed it up just in time, but it popped up out of his window and rolled out into the street. It nearly stopped when a car ran it over, shooting it at 50mph in an unknown direction. "Damnit Jimmy! That was your college fund!" Michael roared and beckoned his son to come along. "C'mon Jumbo jimbo! We are taking bicycles because we are fat!" Michael jeered. They got on bikes and set out to find Jimmy's only hopes of college.

Meanwhile, Franklin had been minding his own business eating a chocolate ice cream cone, which blended in with his chameleon skin. "DAYUM. TASty." He misnamed the cone. A rich white folk name Richi passed by. "My word, I do say you must learn to spell! It is 'TASTY' not 'TASty' you heathan!" He scoffed in a rich manor. Franklin got up, dropping the ice cream, and was about to beat that little fuck who dared shame his illiterate background when a penny, riding at about 50mph shot straight into his nose. "AHHHHH!" Franklin screamed while his nose burned and diseases and fungus on the penny crawled out from the penny and into his body. "FUCK HIM UP!" A bacteria could be heard crying. "HeeeLlll nah!" Franklin cried and saw a man with a leaf blower. He ran up to the man, and instead of asking for it, he punched him out. "Fool!" His voice auto spoke. "Sorry man, it's the coding, it ain't me!" Franklin turned the blower to reverse and sucked the penny out. "I wonder what this is about!?" Franklin pocked the penny. He looked to his right and saw two white fat asses riding their bikes. But not just two random fat asset asses, it was his best friend and... Franklin jizzed in his pants a little recognizing his one and only true love. It was J-Jizzle: 'JImmmyy...' Franklin's mouth watered. Then he ran as fast as he could to his bike, which he happened to have... Okay, fine he stole it. He's black okay?! This was the prime opportunity. He had always fantasized about jumping off a bike and tackling Jimmy. He wanted to air fuck him while smashing into the ground. "Now is my chance!" Franklin raced as fast as he could to the casually riding Jimmy and Michael.


	2. Chapter 2

Franklin peddled his nigga legs as fast as they would go. Jimmy and Michael were going pretty damn fast for fat asses. "Dad...can we slow down? I'm not cut out for this type of stuff..." Jimmy whined. Michael took out a pistol and shoved it in Jimmy's face. "YOU BETTER PEDDLE FASTER OR YOU'RE NOT GOING TO COLLEGE!" Michael roared. "Jesus Christ HolyFucking Shit Dad!" Jimmy put his hands up which made his bicycle lose control. He crashed in the middle of train tracks and passed out. Michael was going too fast to stop! Franklin witnessed Jimmy about to get run over by a train. "AW HELL NAHHHHH!" Franklin sped up and...tackled Jimmy on the ground. "Fuck yeah man nigga mmmmmm good." Franklin completely ignored the incoming train as he tumbled with Jimmy on the train tracks. Michael quickly turned around and took out his spare quarter. He tossed it at the oncoming train and it spiraled out of control. It blasted into Los Santos and destroyed a billion homes. Michael triumphed at his accomplishment. Franklin picked up Jimmy and noclipped to the nearest hospital. "MAH BOY J JIZZZZZLE NEEDS SOME MEDICAL ATTENTION!" Franklin shoved a pistol to the back of a nurse's head. The nurse turned around revealing TREVOR. "GET THAT GUN OUT OF MY FACE YOU FUCK." Trevor bitch slapped the gun out of Franklin's hand. "Trevor?" Franklin was astonished to see TREVOR all dressed up in a nurse's dress and heels. "Now hurry up and let's get him to the operating table." Trevor put on his surgical mask, dumped Jimmy on the table, and inserted a strange IV into Jimmy. Michael burst through the door. "JIMMYYY YOU FUCKER GO GET THAT PENNY!" Michael raged. Trevor looked Michael straight in the eyes and slowly, carefully, shoved a penny in Michael's throat. "CAN'T YOU SEE I'M OPERATING!?" Trevor smashed Michael out cold. "Nigga, what's in this IV?" Franklin asked. "Crushed up hamburger. What else would I feed a fat fuck like Jimbo?" Trevor humbled. Franklin was too distracted by the unconscious Jimmy to listen to Trevor.

Jimmy woke up and startled the worried Franklin, who was readin, "How da fuk yo nigga ass red a book?" "Daaaauuudd!" Jimmy roared. Michael exploded through the roof. "Jim! Guess what I found!" Michael smiled, holding a penny in his hand. "Where was it!" Jimmy coughed up some hamburger blood. "In Franklin's ass! It got there after F here shot it out of nose, into the sewers, where the dough rolled up a construction ramp into the hospital. Trevor came by saw it picked it up, and used it to chew on. Then when F came here Trevor shoved it up his ass! Can you believe it?!" Michael finished his king-kong length Boring movie, but he focused to see Jimmy passed out again. "Are you FUCKINGGGGG SERIOUSS!" Michael roared. Jimmy did not hear him. But then suddenly, he got up. "Daaaauuuudd!" Jimmy roared. Franklin scratched his head. "Huh? Didn't you already say that?" Suddenly Trevor exploded the building with his huge monster truck. "Mikey, Franklin, GET IN! And leave that piece of shit behind!" Trevor beckoned the two heroes to get in. "But what about Jim? AND HEY NO ONE CALLS MY BOY A SHIT EXCEPT ME!" Michael flattened Trevor with his gaze. "Mikey, just shut the fuck up and get in. I'll explain, and you know I'd never call Jimmy a piece of shit! THAT IS NOT JIMMY!" Trevor half-explained. Michael got in, following Franklin. "Man, I knew something wasn't right about his ass." Franklin damned. "I didn't get the richeous feeling I wanted when I airfucked his ass." Franklin nodded. Michael turned to Franklin. :|. He did not know what to say. "Sure... So Trevor what's wrong?" Michael asked. "Mikey... Franklin... We are the only three people who are real. This whole place is a simulation! We are in the fucking NON-RESPAWN zone! It's a place... A place where Time Bakes!


	3. Chapter 3

"Time...time isn't real? It's all infinite? An infinite loop?" Booker asked Elizabeth. "Yes. Now the only way..." Elizabeth was cut short as a motherfucking red piece of iron smashed right into her and ended her bitch ass. Booker was then shot down by Trevor. "YOUR SERIES IS OVER YOU RULE 34 BUNGALOWS!" Trevor roared while mowing down Booker. "Trevor, this doesn't make any sense! The heist...the heist..." Michael began to feel queasy. Trevor injected meth into him. "Stay with me Mikey! This is all in our heads. We have to make it back to our bodies and respawn within a day or we're all fucked here forever!" Trevor hammered into Franklin and Michael's skulls. Franklin was too busy stealing Trevor's car to pay attention. The truck spun out of control. "FRANKLIN WHAT THE HELL." Trevor screamed. "Sorry mah nigga, but when I see somethin' good I just can't help but steal it." Franklin shrugged as they were dumped into the ocean. "GUYS I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT THE HEIST I WAS UNCONSCIOUS." Michael panicked as they sank. Then they remembered to push Y and it was ok. They floated in the abyss. Then suddenly a yacht spawned?! "What. The fuck." Michael commented. The yacht was coming straight for them. But then it stoped. A strange, Russian looking man held out a hand to them. "Hello friends. I am Nico. I am an angel among men; a port if you will; to a place of better graphics and streaming capabilities." Nico's hand lay outstretched to them. Trevor bit Nico's hand. "AHHHHHHHHH!" Nico howled in pain as his yacht spun out of control and he exploded and ragdolled into the sky.

"Moron!" Michael cried while slapping Franklin. "Hey yo what the fizzle homie, that was all Trevor's fault!" Franklin protested his punishment, but it was too late. Michael put Franklin into a 1600s Indian Head prison wood and locked him up. "Aww hell nah" Franklin tried to slip out, but it was too late. "Mikey, Catch!" Trevor signaled Michael. Michael caught what Trevor had thrown him. It was a portable suitcase(TM). "Hey T, you realize all suitcases are-" Trevor gave Michael a pouty face. "Sheesh" Michael shrugged and opened the case. Inside was an assembly kit for a guillotine. Michael hastily opened the box and read the instructions. "Fragile. Assemble with care." Michael began to read out loud. "Before assembling this kit, face East..." Michael turned to face East. "And say 'god save the Queen." Michael looked up from the instructions. "God save the-" Trevor ran un to Michael so fast that sonic looked slow, and he shoved a pistol into his mouth. "DONT YOU FUCKIN SAY IT MILEY, OR ILL BLOW YOUR BRIANS OUT." Michael shoved the gun out his Trevor's hand, while dropping the paper. The wind blew the instructions away. "MILEY?!" Michael slapped Trevor. "I could get over my wife cheating, BUT YOU?!" Michael turned his back to Trevor. "It... It was one night..." Trevor sighed. Michael turned around and looked Trevor in the eyes. "I forgive you... Now let's do this!" Michael shined at the shining Trevor's eyes. They unilaterally turned to face the neck and hand imprisoned Franklin and had the look of those ready to get to work. "Let's do this!" Michael smiled. Trevor warmly hugged him, then backed off and blushed. They opened up the kit and assembled it in seconds. "Looks good. Now, let's do this!" Trevor let out a mighty victorious roar. "YOU FUCKING DEVELOPERS. YOU GAVE PEOPLE THE CHOICE TO KILL ME, MIKEY, OR LET US ALL LIVE. BUT WHAT ABOUT KILLING THAT FUCKING N-" Trevor looked down and saw Michael putting the decapitated Franklin's head into a Basket. "Mikey... What... What have you done?" Trevor was shocked. "I just tested the guillotine on Franklin while you were giving your speech." Michael innocently smiled. Trevor pulled out his pistol and shot Michael three times in the face. He collapsed. Trevor then proceeded to release Franklin's headless body from the Indian neck and hand prison, and locked himself in. Then he pulled the lever of the guillotine.


	4. Chapter 4

However the guillotine didn't cut off Trevor's head. Trevor instead had a craving for burgers and blasted through the door of a 50s diner. The waitress rollerbladed toward him and handed him a freshly grilled negro burger, the burger containing the remains of Franklin. However, Trevor didn't like DARK MEAT so he sent it back. The waitress handed him another burger made in 1963 of Michael. Trevor also sent it back because he didn't like expired shit. The waitress then handed him mustard and he began chugging. He then became a mustard bomb and Fake Lester appeared, I mean, wheeled in and took the mustard bomb and threw it at the waitress. She exploded upon impact, but Trevor was unharmed. He retained form, and so did Franklin and Michael. "Assemble, it's time to avenge ourselves!" Trevor roared as the revolution began. The entire Non-Respawn Zone was up in flames. Trevor, Michael, and Franklin all assembled, but not after The Avengers (TM) blasted Trevor down and birthday beatdoewned him to death. "THAT'S OUR LINE YOU FUCK." The Hulk roared as he assimilated Trevor, then The Avengers (TM) disappeared. Then they saw something they hadn't before. They saw their bodies floating in a portal, a time-baking abyss that was being controlled by someone...someone who had to power to change everything. It was none other than Rockstar CEO who was about to pull the plug on GTA V PC Port!


	5. Chapter 5

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GTA V DLC: Hamboy and a Liar  
Hamboy smoked weed. Then a liar came up to him. "I lied" he weeded. Then Hamboy had hart attack and crooked his penis up his zumma by advertisement  
"Wait no!" Cried Trevor. The RockStar CEO let out a toothy grin of evil. "Oh, what's this?" He stated while staring down Trevor. "Please." Michael chimed in. "Nigga, we can't let you pull the plug on GTA V PC man..." Franklin interrupted and coined. "Oh, I'm not going to pull the plug." The CEO began. "I'm just going to DELAY THE PC RELEASE TO 2015!" He laughed maniacally. "AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHA." He roared, pressing the huge red DELAY button. Right at that moment, Jimmy blasted from behind the CEO and took a big meaty bite out of his shoulder. "WHAT?! Impossible! I AM YOUR GOD!" Jimmy took out a totally delicious burger he had received from a totally delicious burger joint. He handed it out, suggesting the employee take a bite. "Trust me, it will change your mind." Jimmy cooed. The CEO yoinked that burger out of Jimmy's hand took a mouthfucking bite. His eyes burned. His two inch Asian penis expanded, and his turned from $ to &. He went on an acid adventure and realized his terrible mistake. "Oh hohoho! I was a fool!" The CEO kicked Jimmy back into the game. "You fuckin Hamboy! You call this a burger?!" He smashed the ham sandwich into the ground. He pulled out a huge button that read, "DELAY HEISTS." And slammed the shit out of that button. And so, now everyone knows the truth behind why GTA V Heists is delayed and why RockStar claims they don't know when it will be ready, because they really don't know how many times that CEO slammed the button. Furthermore, GTA V Remastered will be delayed until 2015 because of Trevor's actions. All because of a Hamboy.


End file.
